Intense suggestions for life-ing

(formally “rules for life”)

always be the first to fall asleep
seconds are never wrong, especially at a buffet
a third of your time will be spent eating or deciding what to eat
four beers in a night is probably the right amount
five times a day look east and fart quietly
there are not, never have been, and never will be “six ways to Sunday”
seven months of the year should be spent planning for the other five
eight hours of sleep will always be too little or too much
cats do not have nine lives and neither do you
if you win ten dollars try to share it with twelve people